Talk About it Tuesday

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Today is solely focused on parenting and faith. If this isn’t for you, go ahead and just avoid reading because I’m digging deep into something I was taught in regards to my faith that impacted my adulthood. To make it short, I was raised Christian and attended a Baptist church. Everything I experienced has helped me become the person I am right now, but my my approaching and thinking process are much different than what was taught to me.

I have to admit that parenting is by far one the hardest jobs I have ever done. Not because the basics aren’t easily understandable, but because actually completing the tasks successfully don’t always yield the expected outcome. Knowing this information, we have taken the stance that emphasizing the importance of the mind and mindset are essential. However, my parents were brought up in a generation of teaching children what you were taught. This created difficulties for me in my adulthood because I had a hard time addressing my parents’ will versus God’s will. By no means am I saying that my parents presented themselves as God, but there was a heavy emphasis on me being a representative of them (family as a whole) and my church whenever I went somewhere. While this may not seem big to many, it was a huge weight to me. I was expected to behave in a manner that pleased them even if it meant I was put in uncomfortable situations because speaking up was viewed as disrespectful (I had to learn how to verbalize my thoughts and feelings appropriately and assertively without feeling guilt that I was being disrespectful) or to always listen to the adults in charge (I don’t even want to go down that road because it’s a whole different topic). The way I was supposed to act was very rigid. By nature I feel that I was a rule follower, but there were several things that I was told that I honestly just didn’t agree with. Not asking questions and accepting what I was told was at the top of that list. Here’s how the parents’ will thing versus God’s will came into play. Once I matured and became more familiar with the word, I was able to understand that questioning wasn’t a bad thing. More importantly, the scriptures encourage you to seek and ask so that you’re able to gain understanding. Learning this caused a disconnect in the relationship with my father because I became more vocal in my knowledge versus allowing him to just “talk” (my mother passed away in 2005 so that is why most of this is centered around him). I was taught about the creator of Heaven and Earth, but He was always put in a box. I hated boxes especially those not created by me and I tried to bust out. I started dreaming again and thinking about a life doing more than going to work for 30 years and retiring from a company. I was the person that took what the Bible said as truth and started believing BIG and that mentality does something to the older generation. This caused a ton of discord when my father and I would talk on the phone and I either challenged what he said or disagreed. I was a daddy’s girl and this was new territory for us. If you’ve read any of my previous blogs, I’ve mentioned that I was once a people pleaser. Now you can see how it became a tug of war with my head and my heart. I NEVER wanted to be at odds with my biological father, but I was also trying to please God with my life. The line was so thin I wasn’t able to walk it. I felt like there was constant fighting internally because I didn’t want to disappoint.

Here’s how I’ve changed around what we teach our children. We want them to act appropriately, but their behaviors need to align with God’s word over ours. Right now it’s more in concept because there are just things they can’t understand, but we have stressed to them that we know there will come a time that they need to follow God’s word and it might not make us happy. I’ve shared that I would rather be disappointed than them being disobedient to God. I want them to have the freedom to really live instead of always considering restraints and boundaries. I also want them to know that they have a safe place they can come if things don’t work out. Do you have anything that you’ve been taught that negatively impacted you during adulthood? How have you changed this or are dealing with this?

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