Topic: Selective Not Selfish
If quarantine didn’t teach me anything (I got plenty of mental nuggets), one thing that stood out was the need to be more selective in my life. As someone that is a giver, this honestly just feels selfish. I’m so used to giving myself away so much that sometimes I end up with an empty cup. Over the past few years I’ve done a better job of avoiding this, but old habits die hard as they say. Well now that we’re fully in year 2 of the foolishness and we chose to do virtual schooling, I’ve found myself refusing to do all the chores or even reaching out I did previously. I won’t pretend that sometimes it starts to feel bad and I go ahead and do it, but that only happens maybe once a quarter versus the several times a month in the past. What have I gained from that? Less stress mentally, but frustrations from the lack of effort from others.
The first area I applied this principle was in my home. I emphasized the need for my children to become more engaged in their living spaces and take ownership. They have their own bathrooms (which I deep cleaned weekly in the past) and I stressed the need for them to start cleaning up behind themselves weekly. I supplied them with appropriate products as well as things that made cleaning a lot easier. I wish I could say that mattered, but truthfully I wouldn’t use those bathrooms without cleaning them first even if it meant I peed on myself. Sorry not sorry, but my kids are just lazy and nasty. I refuse to be the person that fusses and yells all the time, but I’m very assertive with the need for them to understand that hygiene and health aren’t optional. This is something that needs to be learned at a young age so they don’t get out in the world on their own and struggle. I get not cleaning every other day (I don’t do that either), but rings around the bathtub and toilet are just dis-gus-ting! I’m working on helping them create a cleaning routine, but truthfully I just want to do it myself or hire a cleaning service. Deep cleaning isn’t something that should be skipped and it makes life so much easier when little spills happen because it’s not mess on mess. If you clean regularly then I know you get what I mean.
The other area I’ve applied this is in my relationships. For the longest of times, I’ve been the friend that will do the reaching out. It didn’t matter why I hadn’t heard from you or whatever, I’d at least send a message on a monthly basis just to let you know I was thinking of you. Well, I still think about people for sure…but I don’t do that anymore. I choose to reserve those messages for the friends that respond and/or do the same in return. I refuse to have friendships that are one way streets so I keep those that want to be close, close and allow the others to drift into acquaintance territory. Once again, this can be difficult when you genuinely love people. I’ve given myself the grace to reach out and just accept whatever I get in return. This helped ease that feeling of guilt that would sometimes creep in. Anyone that I would call my friend knows we don’t need to talk everyday or even every month, but when we catch up we will pick up where we left off. This is adult life and I’m actually okay with that. Relationships are a ton of work and sometimes it’s more work that’s I’m willing to put in. I know that’s something that people aren’t really willing to admit, but I refuse to lie to myself anymore. I will no longer be in relationships that I end up being the only party participating. *Every relationship is different and sometimes they aren’t equal, but as always you should never get NOTHING in return. Everyone has something to offer.
What do ya‘ll think about this? I know I’m not the only person that has changed around my life to be more beneficial for me mentally..so what changes have you made for your mental health?