Respect: Given or Earned
This is something I’m sure you’ve heard argued over or even participated in the argument. As a young person, I was always told that I needed to earn respect from those in positions of authority. While I was told this, there was always a space in the back of my mind that wondered why I needed to earn the respect of these adults when there were moments where I felt these same adults disrespected me. It just didn’t make sense and as a thinker I knew there was more to the story. What I’ve come to conclude is that this is what was taught because it was passed down. Older generations stated it and the cycle continued. However, what it didn’t do is address the need to learn how to create healthy relationships. So many people never even sought to find something different because it was just seen as normal.
As a Christian (Nope, not ashamed to say it but please know that some of the people in the forefront have provided poor representation of the faith..and those are the ones that many focus on for some reason), one of the things stressed in the Bible is reaping and sowing. While those two things may not make sense I’m sure you’ve heard of karma, “what goes around comes around”, getting the same energy back, etc. Even though they may be stated differently they mean the same thing. Whatever you put out in the Earth, there should be some expectation that you will eventually receive that in return. With that being said, I believe in giving respect. I sow the seeds I want to grow. I know that is not a popular concept, but I don’t care about someone’s age, social class, abilities, etc. I will treat you with respect because you’re a person with thoughts, feelings, and needs that are uniquely yours and agreement isn’t necessary for me to show kindness and respect. This thought process has helped me in so many relationships during the time I was working as a youth counselor. I had one kid tell me that he felt I talked to him and not at him. That meant the world to me because he verbalized it, but I knew that there was something to this because of the relationships I was able to have with my clients prior to ever meeting him. I would have kids with varying conduct disorders that would yell and get aggressive with their parents, but never lifted their voices to me. Even when I provided “reality therapy” (basically just letting them know I didn’t pay their bills and how dare they ever cross the line of talking to the person that did like that...), these kids would just listen and then ask me ways to get better. I’m sure this tactic has also helped with my relationship with my children as well. While there are some things that I know they don’t bring up to me, my oldest definitely will come and ask me things that I know would have gotten me “hands”. I never desired for my children to fear me, but I always desired for them to respect me. I recognize that this isn’t the approach many will take because there’s the feeling of being taken advantage of. While growing emotionally and mentally, I’ve learned that I can give respect and create the necessary boundaries for folks that choose not to respond in kind. I don’t have to cut them completely out of my life or be nasty, but they won’t get to experience “me” and I’m okay with that. I understand that not everyone believes what I believe and throw in that I’m a Black, educated woman and who I am can be seen as threatening. Sad, but still very true. I will change the emotional intelligence of the generations to come for my family. I want my children to feel that their thoughts, feelings, and ideas matter period, but that doesn’t mean the same isn’t true for everyone else. This is literally how demonstrating the Golden Rule becomes easier versus on the basis of your feelings if someone is deserving or not.
What’s your thoughts on the matter? Do you feel it impacts your relationship with others (bosses, family, friends, children, etc.)? Let’s talk about it