Talk About it Tuesday

Normalizing The Stay At Home Parent

I know this isn’t for everyone. I completely get it, but neither is going to a 9-5 job. I am one of the people that absolutely enjoyed the adult interaction and the work I was doing while completing therapy, but I hated nearly every job I’ve had in my degree field. There were about 2 or 3 that I loved, but I can honestly say that I’m not certain I’d want to return to any of them outside of 1 once the youngest Kambeya is in school. Now that I’m in the position to be a stay at home parent, I’m finding that there are so many advantages that I wasn’t able to identify while I was on the other side of the tracks.

Moving halfway across the country quickly sobered me up to the idea that I would no longer be apart of the workforce. We moved from South Carolina to Texas without many connections in place and I had a 4 week old, 4 yo, and 6 yo. Not just considering the move itself with little children, I also was dealing with the recovery of my body from having baby #3. I wish there was a way to explain everything I experienced after having children, but each time I had a decline in my health in some manner that literally took years to recover from. After baby  #1, it was finding a birth control my body could agree with that wouldn’t cause my pain beyond belief in my body or make me feel like I was crazy. After baby #2, I learned that I was Vitamin D deficient only because I couldn’t stop gaining weight in spite of running between 20-25 miles a week with a healthy diet as well as experiencing the most terrible pains in my joints throughout my entire body. After baby #3 it was mostly the Vitamin D issue again, but with a lot more lethargy and anxiety ( I can’t say for sure it wasn’t a touch of postpartum, but I recognize the impact of being deficient as well). This is just my health alone, but now add in the stress of working and the truth is I was a sinking ship. Being in the therapy realm is beyond rewarding, but as an empath I took a lot of that weight onto my own shoulders. Dealing with issues ranging from sexual abuse and death with the children I serviced took its toll on me. My mind, emotions, and body were breaking down daily and the only thing I had to lean on was my spiritual health. I truly believe that was my saving grace during that period of time and because of that I’m still here and becoming the best version of Deann. While all of that is a lot to take in, I didn’t have to worry about work after baby #3 so I had some time to “breathe”. You can check out my previous blog post on how I made transitioning work if you desire details (from work to home), but now that I’ve done the work I absolutely have no regrets about being a stay at home parent.

Not every family can survive on one income, but there are tons of families that one paycheck is going to childcare alone. Life is all about weighing options and deciding what’s most beneficial in your circumstances. We planned on me being a stay at home prior to moving. What we didn’t count on was not having a renter in our condo in South Carolina for nearly a year while still paying the rent in Texas. There was some financial concerns present and it wasn’t easy. This is the moment I realized that it didn’t matter what I did because financial concerns existed when I was working. My thinking changed drastically once I recognized that. I chose to become more diligent in focusing on the things I could change versus the things I couldn’t  while embracing the comfort of not having to work. We’ve given up some things, but honestly not enough to make a difference. Since being at home it has become more enjoyable for everyone. It’s much cleaner (my whole heart and soul desires a sense of order so I work hard to maintain it), I have time to pursue other interests and enjoy my hobbies, and I have time to invest in my relationships with my family. Being a stay at home parent isn’t just about dropping off/picking up kids, cooking, cleaning, and saving money from childcare. There is just so many other advantages to this being apart of someone’s lifestyle. I’m a better human being because of this opportunity and my family and others get to experience that. Sure I’m not necessarily applying my degree knowledge in the manner it was anticipated, but I’m definitely utilizing my skillset to the best of my ability as the Director of Finance and Household Services. 

There’s really no such thing as normal. We are provided biased information by the media outlets and our families and that’s how we form opinions about what will be our norms. Unfortunately, what works for someone may not work for you. I shouldn’t feel like I’m different or beneath because standards that I didn’t have input in setting were placed on me and my life choices don’t meet them. The best thing each of us can do is support. It should be normal for people to care for their own children which is exactly what a stay at home parent is doing. What’s your personal thoughts and/or experiences?