Talk About it Tuesday

Mar 16, 2021 in
Doubt

Societal Pressure To Have It All Figured Out

I’ll go ahead and say at nearly 39 years old, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. While I don’t have those answers, based on my professional career I had prior to becoming a stay at home mom I am aware of what I do NOT want to do. I guess that’s a great thing seeing that one day I may go back into the workforce, but I am in no hurry to determine my plans now. I know I’m not the only person that feels this way, but I want to explore the ideals that are shoved in our faces for most of our lives. 

As a child, you’re given tests at a young age and asked often what you desired to be when you grow up. I always thought that I would be a cardiologist or pediatrician. I knew I wanted to be a doctor, but I wasn’t sure of speciality. Upon entering undergrad, my degree was Biological Sciences with a Pre-med emphasis. That lasted a semester. I was sitting on the couch in my room and I ended up watching a show that allowed you to view what took place in an operating room. I can’t remember the exact surgery that was being performed, but I will never forget the physical reaction I had. Turns out my insides are weak at the sight of a bunch of blood and seeing the insides of a person. I bounced out of another degree for a semester before ending up in Sociology with a minor in Psychology (my Bachelor’s degree). There has never been any doubt in my mind that helping people was apart of my life plan. Turns out, while I would love interacting with my clients most of the jobs didn’t care enough about me to pay me nor consider my health. During those working years, I experienced illness at a very high rate due to extreme stress levels, being out in the elements often, and close proximity to populations with poor hygiene. One of the greatest lessons I learned during that time is that money will never outweigh my health (in its totality) and I’d rather sacrifice life indulgences (eating out often, vacations, etc.) than continue to allow myself to stay in that situation. 

Now that I’m a stay at home mom, I recognize that my youngest will eventually be school age and I can consider returning to the workforce. It’s very difficult to think that I don’t have a real plan nor do I intend on coming up with one anytime soon. For the first time in my life, I’m really enjoying my life. I don’t have everything I want, but I wake up every morning living out some of the prayers I prayed years ago. I’ve found a passion for crafting, decorating, and cleaning (none of those I’ve ever dreamed would even exist). I’ve even grown more fond of this blog and having a space that I can just be me and share that with others. Of course I’d love for it to take off and to get sponsors so I can do this full time, but even if it doesn’t this is a tangible existence of what can happen when I put in the work. I’m literally on the journey to finding me and it’s been a great ride. It’s very uncomfortable because I have no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going, but that’s not going to hold me hostage and keep me from doing anything. It’s okay not to know, but make sure you’re pursuing something with your whole being. Doing nothing produces nothing (repeat that when you feel like you’re stuck), but it’s normal and okay to not have it figured out. You can define what success is to you without going the route most deems “normal”. I know I’m not alone in my feelings. Are you in this place now or do you feel like you’ve gotten a grasp on what you want to do/doing? Let me know your thoughts!

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August 19, 2023

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