Worth it Wednesday

My girls

Once again, I’m going down the rabbit hole so today is about: Children ( insert dun dun dun sound)

My initial thoughts: I was excited and nervous about begin a mom. I felt like it would be an opportunity to do some things differently than my own parents in an attempt to foster an open relationship. I was also scared that I would get a little person that was like me and had an attitude to match (I didn’t get one..I got 3 😒).

How it’s going: It depends on the day. I am definitely a much better mother than I was while I was working. I am able to have more time to breathe and decompress without the stress that I had from my professional life. I try my best to love on my girls and let them know that I think they’re special, but I definitely see that I can do a better job. Trying to ensure that everyone gets time as well as giving myself and things I enjoy time is just honestly difficult. I have purposefully planned my days to try and have some free time, but it’s usually so that I can read or listen to a podcast or a sermon to get my mind refocused. I miss alone time and so any moment I can steal to be by myself I try to take it and that comes at the cost of not spending time with the kids or even my husband (I don’t mind sharing my flaws here because I can only correct areas I’m willing to admit I have issues in). Now that I’ve done a lot of work on my complete well-being, I’m physically able to complete tasks that I wasn’t in the past and I want to do more activities with the children. I can emotionally invest in their feelings as well which means a lot to me. 

Here’s a few things to consider:

- Time: You will lose it when you have children. I miss the days that I could just get up and go, not consider what I listened to or watched at any given time, or even just being able to have a snack that was completely mine (I now understand what my mom’s irritated face was about every time I’d ask for some of her candy). Forget going to the bathroom alone or having any shame being naked because closed and locked doors aren’t necessarily a deterrent for a child that wants mommy. One of the biggest things, currently, that makes losing time worth is it when my little attempts to make a heart and let me know she loves me with her whole heart. She will do it to avoid getting in trouble, but sometimes it is just because and it melts my heart.

- Permanent body changes: I wish I could explain what’s different, but I really can’t even say I know everything that’s changed. All I know is that there’s very little memory of what my body was like before kids except if I changed my diet or worked out a little the pounds would melt off and that is a distant memory. My body responds to my workouts and eating better, but slow and steady is definitely apart of my reality. I can’t say for sure that everything is solely due to babies since of course aging impacts this stuff too, but please know that the hormonal changes and whatnot have not been fun trying to figure out and address. 

- Money: Kids are so freaking expensive. We have no shame going to the thrift store or passing things down, but it doesn’t matter because kids grow at different rates. Aside from that, kids eat. We chose to keep our children home for this current school year and the food bill has been insane. They have bottomless pits called stomachs and always want a “snack”. Also, commercials are nothing more than open doors to adding something to a birthday list or Christmas list that already has 30 other things on it. We refuse to go into debt for any of those things, but of course it makes sense to attempt to make these moments seem important and special and sometimes that can run up a bill. I won’t even mention that all three girls experience birthdays within a 30 day period. 

- Relationships: They change. I’m not saying you completely lose contact with folks because of something as trivial as life not being in the same season, but you usually end up with people that tend to have children in the same age range as yourself to do life with. Your marriage can end up taking a back seat because of the needs of kids (this is something you have to be intentional about) and just being tired. Prior to having children or even considering, you should think about what you desire as an outcome for all of your relationships and plan on how you will try to ensure to maintain them. While you may not succeed everyday, planning allows you to be more aware of prioritizing space and time to nurture relationships you deem important.

You: You can lose yourself in becoming a parent. Is that a good thing? NOPE, but it happens. You become consumed with the responsibility of another human being and it is alarming. Things that mattered before take a background to finding time to cuddle, read, watch the little one sleep, etc. As I’ve stated before, you have to begin planning for what you desire to give yourself before you ever introduce a child to the mix. You matter and prioritizing your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health is a necessity in your ability to parent in a healthy manner. This is not something you can allow to slip.

I am grateful to be a mother. I know that God needed me to experience each moment in order to become the person I am today. But, I won’t pretend I don’t have what da fuq moments and think about how much different my life would be with just me and the hubby. I’m sure I’m not alone there, yet I wouldn’t trade all the pain and bumps for what I’ve been entrusted with. I want to plant seeds in my children that give them the capacity to believe beyond what their eyes see and know they’ll be given enough grace that if they fail they have a place where they can land safely. That’s not always the case for many nor was it the case for me. I want my children to never fear failure in a world that makes it seem that failure is the ultimate loss. Anyone that’s attempting to be great knows that failure is only apart of the process as long as you continue. Quitting is what makes failure have such a loud voice. So....Yes, children are worth it. Whether biological or not, they provide something that only they can. I can’t explain it, but the push I have in me I know I wouldn’t if it wasn’t for those little faces that so much desire to be like me when they grow up. I encourage everyone to do what works best for them and don’t feel bad for making that choice. I stress this because so many people get guilted if they decide they don’t want kids, but no one is going to front the funds nor will they always help like they say they will. 

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