Talk About it Tuesday

deann — Tue, 02 Mar 2021 20:36:35 +0000

The Box Mentality: Be it Unto You According To Your Faith

If you read the Bible, you know that last part is a scripture. However, whether you’re a believer or not you can benefit from recognizing the power of what you believe. For the majority of my life, I had huge plans. I knew I always wanted to leave the little town I was born and raised (Shout out to Beech Island, SC) as well as own a home before 25. Those are just two things that anyone close to me knew, but I had big goals and basically dared the world to try and stop me. The truth is, the box mentality did more than it’s fair share of jabs to my dreams. What exactly is that? It’s the belief that there’s only so far you can go and that life has boundaries.

My father comes from a different space and time, but he definitely believes in a household that both parents participate financially. It’s funny that he feels that way when his mother didn’t work for most of his life, but his views changed and he thinks that both parties should contribute to the money flowing into the house. If we’re honest, the only reason he feels this way about my situation is because he helped pay for my degrees. While I did have several scholarships for undergrad, my Master’s degree was completely out of pocket and my parents didn’t want me to have student loan debt (I will forever be grateful for that btw) so they paid out of pocket. I suppose there’s an expectation that all that education won’t “go to waste.” What he fails to realize is that I emotionally had to address those same feelings and more when I fully stepped into the role of being a stay at home. Now that I’m emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually healthy I absolutely wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world. See I’m becoming more cognizant of the idea that if I work hard and fully put myself into this blog and eventually my YouTube channel (I’m speaking life into it now), I can create a space that I don’t need to go back to a 9-5 that I retire from after 30 years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to a job and doing that, but prior to me leaving the workforce I was no longer in that type of position and I was working various contracts as well as adjunct teaching. I realize that I want to be rewarded for all the hard work I do versus making someone else a lot more than they are willing to give me. I don’t regret my educational experiences and I absolutely know that they will come into play in some of my future endeavors, but for now I’m focusing on being at home with my kids and being available without having to consider if I have enough leave or having to miss something because of working late. *Back to what I was saying about my father*...he has a small box that he has created and for a long time that box was what I tried to live in. I wanted to make him happy and proud and I knew this was apart of the package. The problem is that when you’re exposed to more and you learn there’s more out there you desire that. This basically means a lot of unfamiliar territory and people aren’t fans of that. You will often hear things like “is that going to pay enough money” or “does it have insurance”. Basic stuff that of course if you’re smart you’ve considered, but definitely not the only things you’re willing to consider. What most people fail to realize is there’s nothing that’s guaranteed regardless of where you’re employed. Employers will let you go after 15 years without a second thought (even if you’re a great worker) if you being on the team negatively impacts the bottom line. Life is absolutely too short to live “safe” inside of someone else’s box. I can’t predict the future, but I know that the life I imagine me having doesn’t involve being in a cubicle being miserable or not enjoying Mondays. Everyday I wake up, I may not feel like I’m on a high but I don’t hate any day I get now and I’m not even living the life I’ve dreamed yet. This breakaway of thought took me years to address, but now that I’ve found my peace I refuse to be stuffed back in the box.

My world was made small because I allowed others to “think” for me. I’ve learned that it’s okay to respect other people’s thoughts and feelings without actually accepting them as your own. Sometimes you have to remember the same love and attention you decide to give to others you have to first start with giving it to yourself. Of course there will be some that honestly won’t be successful (either because they really don’t do the work or things just don’t work out), but learning lessons should never be seen as a fail. I’ve gotten to the point that I’m ready to be the person living the life versus watching on the sidelines.

Has anyone ever put you in a box or have you done that to yourself?

deann Tue, 03/02/2021 - 20:36

emotional intelligence