Mental Health

It’s You

deann — Fri, 08 Sep 2023 08:15:00 +0000

It’s You

I’ll go ahead and start with the punch line: If your life sucks it’s time to look at the person in the mirror. I know this isn’t easy to digest, but after all the work I’ve been doing to grow myself mentally and emotionally I realized that it always came back to that point. It was me and it’s highly likely the issue is you. There is nothing in the past or currently that is in my life that I didn’t have a hand in. Thankfully, I’m in recovery and I want to share what I’ve been doing and what’s been helping me get over the slump.

1. Change your thoughts- Life is life. Bad things can happen to good people and vice versa. I expect life to be life. While I’m maintaining my integrity of trying to always do right by myself and others, I recognize that bad things can and will still happen. It’s okay if things don’t always go my way, but that shouldn’t deter me from being me. I have put so much time and effort in investing in me being unwavering in spite of what happens around me. This does NOT happen having unstable messages in your ear constantly and seeing instability often. We are more likely to become what we are around versus us changing our environment. You have to immerse yourself in where you desire your mindset to be even if it’s not where you currently are.

2. Change your circle- This is probably the hardest. Most of the changes in my circle were out of necessity. Relocation makes that easy. Since moving to Texas, I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know a few people but I didn’t have any friends. Once I realized I needed it and wanted it, I started praying for it. I’m not exactly sure how it happened the way it did, but I’ve reaped the benefits of having others in my life to offer me a different perspective while encouraging and pushing me to be my best self. These aren’t friendships because our kids are friends, we work together, or we have everything in common. Our group consists of people that understand reciprocity and don’t come to the table empty handed. Being around the right people will aid you in being able to see your value as well as offer value in return.

3. Quit making poor decisions- I’m not in my 20s or 30s anymore. I don’t live on the edge like I used to because I understand that the weight of the consequences is much greater. Now that I’m back working out I recognize that if I sustain an injury it’s not going to heal as fast as in the past, so I take precautions with more stretching and proper weightlifting technique. The same way I attempt to avoid being hurt is how I treat life. I take precautions with the people I’m willing to be around for extended periods of time, who has access to me (friendships/associations), where I’m willing to go, and what I’m willing to do. I don’t allow things that don’t align with my personal beliefs to have unlimited access to me. While I can’t control everything, I intentionally make sure the things I can control happen.

4. Quit making excuses- For a while, I lived here. One of the reasons why chose our new home was because it offered us a space with a home gym. We were over the garage gym life after a few Texas summers. Fast forward and after being in the house for a few months I got more serious with getting my business started. Starting a business is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and I still have so much to learn and do. However, that was and still isn’t reason enough for me not to take my health seriously. It took me getting on a scale again to realize how much I was failing myself. There are things outside of me that grind my gears, but there is nothing like the realization of your own self sabotaging behaviors. So now, I’m being a better time manager and getting the things done.

At this point in my life I’m not seeking to be “smart”, I’m actively pursuing wisdom. I want to get good, knowledgeable information and apply it to my life so that I can present the best me to myself and others. I get excited just thinking about the future me. But I can say today without hesitation that I like me a lot, and the things I don’t really care for I’m working on changing consistently. What areas of your life are you trying to work on/improve? You can do it!!

deann Fri, 09/08/2023 - 08:15

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You spoke volumes with the change your circle and make better decisions. Those two are a struggle for me and praying through it but this made me self reflect and rethink some things!!

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I Broke Up With Anxiety/Depression

sensei — Tue, 12 May 2020 19:24:44 +0000

I Broke Up With Anxiety/Depression

So let me start by saying this is my personal journey, and I'm of the belief that just because you've experienced something it isn't a life sentence. Yes, I've struggled with both anxiety and depression, but when we broke up for the last time in 2008 and I decided to never go back to that relationship. I was the person that worked as a therapist (mental health) teaching others how to appropriately deal with their stressors and appropriately utilize coping skills so they can be more successful personally and professional, but I wasn't even practicing what I was preaching. I knew the information and still did nothing to apply them to my own life.

What changed? Truthfully, it was a decision. I came to the conclusion that if I wanted to get out of the cycle I had to change my mindset. It took years, but with lots of "exercise" I became mentally tough. Journaling became my sanctuary and daily gratitudes made me intentionally prioritize positive things I had occurring in my life. When you're in the anxiety cycle your brain is consistently in a negative state and it's important to force positivity on yourself. The music I listened to, what I watched on tv, quiet time being filled with personal development and podcasts, and avoiding alone time when I started feeling overwhelmed were non-negotiables. I made myself spend more time out in the sun and get fresh air as well as hugging friends as much as possible (loading up on oxytocin- It contributes to happy). Did it fix everything? Heck no! But, I will say that I slowly stopped crying in the shower because I woke up and it didn't hurt to be alive (I can't explain this one, but if you've ever been depressed and felt physical pain you know exactly what I'm talking about). Day by day life started improving and I felt like I started being able to have a clearer mind to appropriately deal with everything I had going on.

Life is a process. While I will never allow myself to get as bad as I was, when things pop up that I'm not prepared for sometimes they cause me a big pause. Seeing the email from the school in regards to returning school items hit me with a reality I hadn't quite processed. I immediately got teary eyed and needed to start deep breaths. Anxiety sent me a text messages, but I refused to respond. I gathered my thoughts and understood that in spite of the circumstances what was being done was in the best interest of the children as well as school staff. While there won't be any end of the year parties and I won't get a chance to say goodbyes to all of the people I've grown so fond of, but it's not the end of the world. In a world where things are falling apart for so many people, I will remain positive for every blessing I've been given. While I know this won't work for everyone, I'm encouraging anyone who is ready to break up to start packing. It's possible for to be an ex with anxiety and I'm living proof!

sensei Tue, 05/12/2020 - 19:24

Add new comment

Choose You

sensei — Mon, 04 May 2020 20:45:22 +0000

Choose You

When all of this is over if I have done nothing else, I have learned that there is nothing more important than choosing myself. I have made my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well being apart of my daily to-do list. Guess what I've discovered? I like the new me and so does my family. I'm not stressed or frustrated nearly as much as I used to be so I don't snap as much as I used to (I'm still a work in progress, but I still struggle when I'm supposed to become inspector gadget and find everything). By filling up my own tank, I have something to give to them. *Counselor info I'm finally using for myself* I am my responsibility and refuse to make excuses when I don't have what I need. Truth is, this has been one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn. While most people will voice this as being selfish, the reality is that you have to be selfish with you when it comes to your overall well being. Here's a few things that have helped me:

- Knowing my love languages and giving them to myself daily. I want to feel loved everyday (acts of service and quality time) so I make sure it happens. By no means am I saying that my hubby and kids don't help with this, but I refuse to depend on them for this.

- Scheduling things I enjoy as often as I can. I have been working on making certain that I keep up with my agenda in order to be more productive. I make sure that the necessary things are covered, but things I want to do also get included on my daily schedule. I get that it can be tricky, but I'm worth the same extra effort I put into everyone else.

- Stop making excuses. I had to come to the realization that there isn't an award given for always putting myself last. *Remember we show/teach people how to treat us. Your children are always watching.

- Dress up a little. I don't do this everyday, but staying in pajamas all day won't send messages to your brain to feel good. I put on some real clothes, cute earrings, a little mascara (if I'm being fancy), a dash of perfume, and do my lips with something tinted. It's amazing how much better I feel with something so simple. I feel good and I get compliments from the hubby and my kids and that's always a win-win.

- Learning to say NO. Karyn White said it best, I'm not your Superwoman. I created boundaries that help me maintain my mental and emotional stability. I do what I can and many times I do more than what I should, but if it started feeling like I'm going to become overwhelmed I will immediately stop and delegate to the responsible person.

Being good to you is being good to your family. Take some time out and evaluate how you can make you a priority. It may start off small and that's all you can do, but something is better than nothing. You've always been you...before the kids and spouse, and since you're always going to be you make sure you're doing your best towards you.

sensei Mon, 05/04/2020 - 20:45

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