Accountability

It’s You

deann — Fri, 08 Sep 2023 08:15:00 +0000

It’s You

I’ll go ahead and start with the punch line: If your life sucks it’s time to look at the person in the mirror. I know this isn’t easy to digest, but after all the work I’ve been doing to grow myself mentally and emotionally I realized that it always came back to that point. It was me and it’s highly likely the issue is you. There is nothing in the past or currently that is in my life that I didn’t have a hand in. Thankfully, I’m in recovery and I want to share what I’ve been doing and what’s been helping me get over the slump.

1. Change your thoughts- Life is life. Bad things can happen to good people and vice versa. I expect life to be life. While I’m maintaining my integrity of trying to always do right by myself and others, I recognize that bad things can and will still happen. It’s okay if things don’t always go my way, but that shouldn’t deter me from being me. I have put so much time and effort in investing in me being unwavering in spite of what happens around me. This does NOT happen having unstable messages in your ear constantly and seeing instability often. We are more likely to become what we are around versus us changing our environment. You have to immerse yourself in where you desire your mindset to be even if it’s not where you currently are.

2. Change your circle- This is probably the hardest. Most of the changes in my circle were out of necessity. Relocation makes that easy. Since moving to Texas, I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know a few people but I didn’t have any friends. Once I realized I needed it and wanted it, I started praying for it. I’m not exactly sure how it happened the way it did, but I’ve reaped the benefits of having others in my life to offer me a different perspective while encouraging and pushing me to be my best self. These aren’t friendships because our kids are friends, we work together, or we have everything in common. Our group consists of people that understand reciprocity and don’t come to the table empty handed. Being around the right people will aid you in being able to see your value as well as offer value in return.

3. Quit making poor decisions- I’m not in my 20s or 30s anymore. I don’t live on the edge like I used to because I understand that the weight of the consequences is much greater. Now that I’m back working out I recognize that if I sustain an injury it’s not going to heal as fast as in the past, so I take precautions with more stretching and proper weightlifting technique. The same way I attempt to avoid being hurt is how I treat life. I take precautions with the people I’m willing to be around for extended periods of time, who has access to me (friendships/associations), where I’m willing to go, and what I’m willing to do. I don’t allow things that don’t align with my personal beliefs to have unlimited access to me. While I can’t control everything, I intentionally make sure the things I can control happen.

4. Quit making excuses- For a while, I lived here. One of the reasons why chose our new home was because it offered us a space with a home gym. We were over the garage gym life after a few Texas summers. Fast forward and after being in the house for a few months I got more serious with getting my business started. Starting a business is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and I still have so much to learn and do. However, that was and still isn’t reason enough for me not to take my health seriously. It took me getting on a scale again to realize how much I was failing myself. There are things outside of me that grind my gears, but there is nothing like the realization of your own self sabotaging behaviors. So now, I’m being a better time manager and getting the things done.

At this point in my life I’m not seeking to be “smart”, I’m actively pursuing wisdom. I want to get good, knowledgeable information and apply it to my life so that I can present the best me to myself and others. I get excited just thinking about the future me. But I can say today without hesitation that I like me a lot, and the things I don’t really care for I’m working on changing consistently. What areas of your life are you trying to work on/improve? You can do it!!

deann Fri, 09/08/2023 - 08:15

emotional intelligence

Personal accountability

Accountability

No excuses

Comment

Areas of focus

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You spoke volumes with the change your circle and make better decisions. Those two are a struggle for me and praying through it but this made me self reflect and rethink some things!!

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Talk About it Tuesday

deann — Tue, 23 Mar 2021 01:18:44 +0000

Talk About it Tuesday

What You’re Really Owed: Nothing

Last week I had different friends posting about various topics and one posted about apology language (a spin off of the 5 Love Languages) and another posted something polar opposite in regards to you not being able to tell anyone how to love you, but allowing them to show you their level of ability and you deciding if you want to participate or not. Both of these got me into my head for a while and I just wanted to share some of those thoughts.

One of the things that I’ve heard every since I was younger that the world owed me nothing and anything I wanted I needed to work for. It’s so interesting that this is something that was pushed very hard, but emotions seemed to be one of those things that was never considered. Being young, I used to believe in the idea of reciprocity (and I still do to a certain extent) but there’s definitely a limit on this. We gladly share the golden rule and there’s almost a level of expectation that you’ll get back the same respect and courtesy you give. Unfortunately life and people teach us differently and we alter our perceptions. While some become cynical and feel as though the other person determines the types of interactions they’ll have, many people just learned to create boundaries and separate tolerable from toxic. I’m in the second group for sure. We get to choose who we allow to be in our lives regardless of the level of the relationship. I realized that regardless of how much I try to demonstrate love and kindness, I can’t make someone give me that in return. I have matured enough to recognize that regardless of how anyone acts towards me, I don’t have to return that same energy because I get to control my responses and my feelings. (I’m aware that not everyone is at this point, but emotional intelligence is just one of those things you have to research and learn in order to just be a better person period). I am responsible for every seed I sow into the ground and I should expect a harvest back from those seeds. I choose to avoid negativity and toxicity because I choose me over people. Sounds selfish, but I’ll be that if that means I can maintain my peace.

I absolutely have come to the realization that no one owes me anything even a relationship. My life has become so simple now that I accept what people are willing to give and create boundaries based on what I’m willing to accept. As Lauryn Hill sang, it could all be so simple..but you’d rather make it hard. Choosing to allow others to be their “authentic self” while staying true to you is the easiest choice. While I’m not as close to people who really mean a lot to me (and no I don’t really do the whole cutting off thing...we can be acquaintances beyond social media without being besties), I have an amazing circle that is super supportive and I know they won’t flake on me. I will appreciate every ounce of those that are present without faulting the ones who failed me because of ...?!? Let’s stop making people feel bad because maybe they aren’t as emotionally intelligent or mature as us. We’ve all had moments where we didn’t put our best foot forward. Just remember, you have to live with the decisions you make. I’d love to know your thoughts on this subject specifically regarding relationships and reciprocity.

deann Tue, 03/23/2021 - 01:18

relationships

emotional intelligence

Accountability

Boundaries

Comment

LOVED THIS!!!!

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