Stay at home mom

Worth it Wednesday

deann — Wed, 14 Jul 2021 15:00:32 +0000

Worth it Wednesday

Product: A cleaning service

Initial Thoughts: Let me preface this by saying I currently do not have one, but I have in the past. I am very cheap and the idea of paying someone to clean does something to me, but because I’m tired and sometimes overwhelmed I could see why having someone come once a quarter to provide a deeper clean to the home is an asset. Back when I had a service, I loved coming home and it smelling like a citrus cleaner and it sparkling. I saw the baseboards were clean and the house was in tip top shape. If I’m honest…I miss it! Cleanliness in a home is a priority for me and as one person attempting to do the bulk of the load, there are just some areas I fall short of. Prices of services in SC versus the prices in TX make it much easier to have something consistent here, but I still have conflicting feelings. Because I have a great husband I’m encouraged to find someone so I’m not overworking myself so hopefully I get on board.

How’s it Going: While I still haven’t gotten a service, my neighbor has someone that she highly recommends and I’m probably going to get the info in the near future. Right now, my cleaning has been impacted by my up and down health issues as well as just the desire for a break. The kids are on summer break and for some reason the idea of keeping their area clean is nonexistent. This means that I go hard for the areas that I spend time in which is also where most guests would be, but the upstairs is less than desirable most times. I still do the bathrooms because those should be deep cleaned weekly with touch ups throughout the week (just my opinion). However, even the bathrooms aren’t getting the elbow grease I used to give during the school year. (Hence me desiring a cleaning service for upstairs)

Is it Worth it: Heck yeah, but my mind is so conflicted I keep talking myself out of it. I think what I will do is get the cleaner at the end of the month just to try the service and see what happens and go from there. I really don’t want to find something else to spend money on, but I have to be more mindful of my needs in order to keep up with what needs to be done to keep the household running. What are your thoughts on this? I know I’m not the only stay at home mom that has considered this option.

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Talk About it Tuesday

deann — Tue, 16 Feb 2021 16:11:13 +0000

Talk About it Tuesday

Working or Staying at Home: Which is Harder?

This is a debate that I’ve never really understood. I can admit in my ignorance, I did feel that there were more advantages to staying at home when I was apart of the workforce. Now that I have a lens based on experience, my views have changed. I worked professionally for nearly 12 years and have been a stay at home mom for almost 3 years. Here’s the truth: both are hard as hell and in very different ways. In both scenarios the amount of work required to be successful is beyond what one person should probably have to contribute, but is required.

Working as a mother is hard. While I can admit that I enjoyed having time that I could focus on something other than my child (ren), I always had roaming thoughts about them throughout the workday. I was not a helicopter parent so I didn’t do the phone calls or anything like that, but I definitely rushed home to see them and I felt I needed to hug them all the time when I would get them. I recognize that not everyone experiences the same things, but I usually found myself completely worn after most workdays. While I wanted the hug and love on my kids, I had no desire to do anything physically interactive like playing or even doing bath time. I just wanted to decompress in silence and that was impossible. Most people take their commute time to do that, but my commutes were often times interrupted with work phone calls or my mind being occupied with a situation at work. Once home, trying to get everyone settled in and then figure out dinner was beyond what brain power I had. I did the best I could, but our eating wasn’t the best and I did the basic requirements to ensure that everyone stayed alive. Once dinner was completed and bath time was addressed, I literally just wanted to crawl in bed from exhaustion. I forgot to mention that the hubby and I were heavily involved in our church’s ministry and as leaders there were expectations of providing everyone things required prior to rehearsals. Add in ballet for the oldest and I was a wreck. My physical health was up and down and my mental health wasn’t great either. Guess what... all of this was going on while I was working as a therapist. I recognize that occupation plays heavily into my personal situation, but the truth is if you work there are just some things you aren’t going to be able to do. I was fortunate to have a job willing to work with my needs in regards to scheduling for medical appointments and other various things, but because the nature of my job I didn’t want to take a lot of time away from work. I can not explain the amount of guilt I felt. Guilt because: I poured so much into work I was empty when I got home, I missed moments from my children growing up because I was at work, I didn’t have a house I was proud of because it wasn’t clean, and the list goes on.

I used to sit at my desk and make promises to myself of things I would do if I ever had the chance to be a stay at home mom. At the beginning of the journey, it was rough. I lost my entire support system due to us relocating to Texas and I had a 4 week old alongside two young toddlers. I also had to get accustomed to the heat as well as learn our new surroundings. I hated not having one moment I could be away from the kids and I also still didn’t have any energy to enjoy being home with the kids. After getting my health and my mind right (this took nearly two years), I was able to find a groove. I was able to volunteer at the girls’ school (one of the best experiences ever), I started doing a little better with keeping the house clean (but it was still a struggle), and I felt that I was able to have a better relationship with my family. It didn’t come without guilt though. While it wasn’t directly spoken to me, it was hard to deal with the lack of familial support with being at home with the kids while having two degrees “going to waste” (not my words but those of someone very close to me). I also felt guilty for no longer being able to financially contribute to the household. There were moments that money was tight and I felt like I could be adding to the pot versus just staying at home. The truth is, once we factored in the costs of childcare and everything else that would be needed in order to consider a job it wasn’t worth it. I now have become better with managing my time with cleaning, finding time to enjoy crafting, cooking, enjoying fun times with all the family, and creating content for my blog. I never dreamed this was possible, but clearly I was thinking too small and by just pulling up my sleeves I’m becoming more productive and I’m happier.

While you ultimately have to decide what works for you and your family, don’t allow money to be the only determining factor. While money is very helpful and needed, it doesn’t guarantee a happy household or you being happy. I worked all the time and honestly we didn’t have money to go on vacations like we wanted or to improve our home. This is a choose your hard type scenario. Working and feeling like you’re coming up short can happen as well as staying home and feeling like nothing more than a full time maid. I’ve been in both situations and have definitely felt both of those emotions. It would be awesome if we could just accept that we only need to worry about our situation, circumstances, and accept the choices of others (I chose not to say support because some folks make bad decisions). I’m grateful for the gift of staying at home and have been able to really tackle that list of things I said I’d do if I had the chance which has made this journey even more valuable to me.

Where do you fall in this debate?

deann Tue, 02/16/2021 - 16:11

Stay at home mom

Working mom

Stay at home or work debate

Add new comment

Cleaning 101

deann — Sun, 26 Apr 2020 21:51:54 +0000

Cleaning 101

This is probably one of the most disliked tasks but is a necessary evil. My two my favorite tasks are vacuuming and laundry excluding folding (laundry is only included because I'm an addict of the clean laundry smell). My least favorite has to be dishes. Leftover dishwater is just disgusting and it's even worse when a fork doesn't quite do the job. Truth is, I only clean because I refuse to live in dump. Now with folks spending more time at home, it's important to make the chores as enjoyable as possible. Here's a few of my secrets to making it more enjoyable.

- Be more intentional with controlling what you can. My brain goes into auto shutdown mode in chaos so I try to do a light clean sweep before going to bed. Clearing countertops (even if you have no intentions of washing the dishes- I still wash by hand), tidying up couch pillows, putting away blankets or anything else that found its way on the couch, and finding a central spot for small toys makes a huge difference in the overall appearance of the house when I wake up to begin the next day.

- Don't try to clean it all in one day. An entire house is way too much work. Break it up in chunks over the course of the 5 day work week. This helps you not bite off too much as well as not having to spend your entire weekend cleaning. Your family will enjoy you more if you're less stressed and you'll enjoy begin around them more if you get to do more than just clean.

- Kids CAN clean. They can make messes so surely they can put back what they pull out. My youngest enjoys singing the "clean up song" while we work, but the older girls aren't as thrilled to participate. What really gets them motivated is taking away electronics or making them drink water (I make them do this anyway, but since they think it's a punishment I will treat it as such). I don't allow myself to get overwhelmed anymore. The upstairs of my house isn't as clean as I'd like, but since I'm not up there I don't spend most of my time cleaning there. I am a fan of bleach (yep, people still use it regularly) so I don't allow the girls to clean their bathrooms but other than that they have the responsibility of their rooms, the playroom, and their reading nook.

- Do something you enjoy while cleaning. Listen to music and dance, an audiobook you didn't really find time to read, funny podcast, or some personal development, watch a Netflix show you've been meaning to catch up on while folding laundry, etc. Figure out what works best for you and go for it.

- Do it as early as possible. Most of the time if we wait, we'll become distracted and then end up with half done tasks that still require to be fully cleaned. Planning effectively opens up your day and cleaning is no different.

- Quit getting more stuff (If you really don't need it). We have a tendency to just keep buying things while adding to the clutter versus becoming more organizationally aware. Be mindful that everything needs a home prior to purchasing and this could possibly help with cleanliness around the house.

- (Bonus) I'm about to start a weekly shred day to avoid having so much mail pile up. I'm really horrible at this and end up having hours worth of shredding because of months of just laying it on the counter. Now that I have plenty of time, I'm going to use my helpers as long as they are willing and declutter.

Sure all of this won't work for everyone, but there's nothing like coming into a house that doesn't require a ton of cleaning. Please share some of your favorite cleaning/organization tips that have helped you during this quarantine period.

deann Sun, 04/26/2020 - 21:51

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Great read

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I really enjoy your blog. Awesome Deann!!

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Awesome read! I will put…

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Awesome read! I will put some of these in practice! Thank you Deann!💕

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Kells.....Might as well try and enjoy it since it's got to be done! Thanks for checking my blog out.

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Transitioning from working to staying at home

deann — Fri, 10 Apr 2020 17:59:35 +0000

Transitioning from working to staying at home

Initially, transitioning from being a working mom to staying at home was difficult. I wasn't used to not having "adult talk time" or some task to focus on that took the pressure off being a parent for a moment. Being at home and having a little person following your every move was very frustrating and I didn't enjoy it, but I also knew that once we relocated halfway across the country from family that I had to put on my big girl panties. My situation isn't isolated and I've talked with several friends that tried the stay at home life and just said they were too bored and couldn't do it. I've had many people ask me how I manage and these are the five basics that have changed my tune and I openly admit I have no desire to go back to work.

I decided I was going to enjoy it and be happy- The overall sentiment is simple, but many people don't choose to exert their ability to control how they feel. You get to determine your perspective on being a stay at home mom. If you decide to look at every negative aspect, you'll quickly begin to hate it and regret being at home. Is it tough? Heck yeah, but so is being a full-time working parent.
I do the things I said I would- When I worked I remember daydreaming about all the things I'd do if I ever was able to stay at home. Based on the conversations I've had with others that have tried the stay at home role but went back to work, ti seems most of them never did the things that excited them during that time. Yes the children are a priority, but that doesn't mean you forsake your own wants, needs, and desires. Anything you want to do you make/find time to do it and refuse to accept your own excuses. Excuses will keep you stagnant and eventually you'll end up resentful because all you do is cook and clean.
I maximize my productivity- I find ways to complete multiple tasks at the same time. Personal development is very important to me, but sometimes I get too busy or just forget to turn it on. I've made it a habit that while I'm cleaning the bathrooms, folding clothes, vacuuming, or anything that doesn't require too much thought I just pop on my headphones and get the encouragement I need to become the best version of myself. It makes washing dishes a little easier (I hate washing dishes). I've recognized that since laundry is a pretty simple task, I start that early in the morning and while it's going I get bills completed/paid, make phone calls, figure out dinner, and daily day prep. This typically takes a short period of time and gets several things accomplished. The old work saying still applies...work smarter not harder.
I view this as my job and plan accordingly- During my working days, I always had to have an agenda to stay on task and keep reminders of things that needed to be addressed. Over the past month, I've revamped home life in the same manner. I plan on a weekly basis and I make certain to divide up all the household chores over the course of a 5 day period allowing myself one free day of no chores. Prior to this, I constantly overworked myself and was so unhappy. While I usually will end the day with touch-ups here and there with cleaning, I have no intentions going back to trying to clean the entire house in a day again. Also, if the things in #2 are really important to you they should be included in your agenda. Knocking off my list is too important to allow myself to become slack so I've become quite efficient at getting work done.
I mind my business and ignore things that aren't- My faith, my family, and my circle are some of the most important things to me. Even within that group, my household will not take a backseat for all of that other stuff. My husband and I extensively discussed what we desired for our family and we made the necessary choices. I've had some family not agree with me being a stay at home mom especially considering I have a Master's degree. While my feelings were hurt, I recognized that it's not my business to care what others think and since there hasn't been an offer to cover any of our bills we keep doing what's best for our house. Everyone has an opinion and it's okay to respect that fact. Yet, you don't have to accept it as your own. I have to live my life everyday and experience any consequences of the choices I make.

deann Fri, 04/10/2020 - 17:59

Stay at home mom

Transitioning from working to staying at home

Lifestyle

emotional intelligence

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