Mindset

It’s You

deann — Fri, 08 Sep 2023 08:15:00 +0000

It’s You

I’ll go ahead and start with the punch line: If your life sucks it’s time to look at the person in the mirror. I know this isn’t easy to digest, but after all the work I’ve been doing to grow myself mentally and emotionally I realized that it always came back to that point. It was me and it’s highly likely the issue is you. There is nothing in the past or currently that is in my life that I didn’t have a hand in. Thankfully, I’m in recovery and I want to share what I’ve been doing and what’s been helping me get over the slump.

1. Change your thoughts- Life is life. Bad things can happen to good people and vice versa. I expect life to be life. While I’m maintaining my integrity of trying to always do right by myself and others, I recognize that bad things can and will still happen. It’s okay if things don’t always go my way, but that shouldn’t deter me from being me. I have put so much time and effort in investing in me being unwavering in spite of what happens around me. This does NOT happen having unstable messages in your ear constantly and seeing instability often. We are more likely to become what we are around versus us changing our environment. You have to immerse yourself in where you desire your mindset to be even if it’s not where you currently are.

2. Change your circle- This is probably the hardest. Most of the changes in my circle were out of necessity. Relocation makes that easy. Since moving to Texas, I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know a few people but I didn’t have any friends. Once I realized I needed it and wanted it, I started praying for it. I’m not exactly sure how it happened the way it did, but I’ve reaped the benefits of having others in my life to offer me a different perspective while encouraging and pushing me to be my best self. These aren’t friendships because our kids are friends, we work together, or we have everything in common. Our group consists of people that understand reciprocity and don’t come to the table empty handed. Being around the right people will aid you in being able to see your value as well as offer value in return.

3. Quit making poor decisions- I’m not in my 20s or 30s anymore. I don’t live on the edge like I used to because I understand that the weight of the consequences is much greater. Now that I’m back working out I recognize that if I sustain an injury it’s not going to heal as fast as in the past, so I take precautions with more stretching and proper weightlifting technique. The same way I attempt to avoid being hurt is how I treat life. I take precautions with the people I’m willing to be around for extended periods of time, who has access to me (friendships/associations), where I’m willing to go, and what I’m willing to do. I don’t allow things that don’t align with my personal beliefs to have unlimited access to me. While I can’t control everything, I intentionally make sure the things I can control happen.

4. Quit making excuses- For a while, I lived here. One of the reasons why chose our new home was because it offered us a space with a home gym. We were over the garage gym life after a few Texas summers. Fast forward and after being in the house for a few months I got more serious with getting my business started. Starting a business is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and I still have so much to learn and do. However, that was and still isn’t reason enough for me not to take my health seriously. It took me getting on a scale again to realize how much I was failing myself. There are things outside of me that grind my gears, but there is nothing like the realization of your own self sabotaging behaviors. So now, I’m being a better time manager and getting the things done.

At this point in my life I’m not seeking to be “smart”, I’m actively pursuing wisdom. I want to get good, knowledgeable information and apply it to my life so that I can present the best me to myself and others. I get excited just thinking about the future me. But I can say today without hesitation that I like me a lot, and the things I don’t really care for I’m working on changing consistently. What areas of your life are you trying to work on/improve? You can do it!!

deann Fri, 09/08/2023 - 08:15

emotional intelligence

Personal accountability

Accountability

No excuses

Comment

Areas of focus

September 08, 2023

You spoke volumes with the change your circle and make better decisions. Those two are a struggle for me and praying through it but this made me self reflect and rethink some things!!

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Capacity

deann — Wed, 16 Aug 2023 16:26:58 +0000

Capacity

Last week, I encountered one of the worst things that could happen to someone. My gmail could no longer receive emails because the storage was full. Google was more than happy to keep sending messages about being able to purchase more storage. I immediately went into delete mode. The problem was those files didn’t account for the majority of what was taking up space. If you’re like me…it’s pictures! I also had some large files taking up space. After spending so much time deleting, this lightbulb moment happened:

- It’s not that you don’t have have capacity, you just don’t have any space because its filled up with things that no longer serve you purpose.

While this initially was just for my email account, I immediately was able to recognize how this concept was true for my heart and mind as well. Several of the large files I deleted were from jobs I had from 2012 and before (I know…this should have been gone after I left) and pictures that were multiples, accidents, and/or different poses of the same moment. The reality is things I never planned on going back to, including the pictures, were causing me issues currently. Too often today’s issues are from past actions. Just like my gmail account, if you aren’t willing to do the work and get rid of unnecessary things then expect to pay the cost if you still want access. And so this is my CTA (Call To Action) for you, take some time and evaluate things you’ve been prioritizing. Are they really the priority? Start taking steps to appropriately arrange things in your life and putting each thing in its place…even if that’s the trash.

deann Wed, 08/16/2023 - 16:26

Capacity

Mindset

emotional intelligence

Initiative

Life lessons

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Talk About it Tuesday

deann — Tue, 02 Mar 2021 20:36:35 +0000

Talk About it Tuesday

The Box Mentality: Be it Unto You According To Your Faith

If you read the Bible, you know that last part is a scripture. However, whether you’re a believer or not you can benefit from recognizing the power of what you believe. For the majority of my life, I had huge plans. I knew I always wanted to leave the little town I was born and raised (Shout out to Beech Island, SC) as well as own a home before 25. Those are just two things that anyone close to me knew, but I had big goals and basically dared the world to try and stop me. The truth is, the box mentality did more than it’s fair share of jabs to my dreams. What exactly is that? It’s the belief that there’s only so far you can go and that life has boundaries.

My father comes from a different space and time, but he definitely believes in a household that both parents participate financially. It’s funny that he feels that way when his mother didn’t work for most of his life, but his views changed and he thinks that both parties should contribute to the money flowing into the house. If we’re honest, the only reason he feels this way about my situation is because he helped pay for my degrees. While I did have several scholarships for undergrad, my Master’s degree was completely out of pocket and my parents didn’t want me to have student loan debt (I will forever be grateful for that btw) so they paid out of pocket. I suppose there’s an expectation that all that education won’t “go to waste.” What he fails to realize is that I emotionally had to address those same feelings and more when I fully stepped into the role of being a stay at home. Now that I’m emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually healthy I absolutely wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world. See I’m becoming more cognizant of the idea that if I work hard and fully put myself into this blog and eventually my YouTube channel (I’m speaking life into it now), I can create a space that I don’t need to go back to a 9-5 that I retire from after 30 years. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to a job and doing that, but prior to me leaving the workforce I was no longer in that type of position and I was working various contracts as well as adjunct teaching. I realize that I want to be rewarded for all the hard work I do versus making someone else a lot more than they are willing to give me. I don’t regret my educational experiences and I absolutely know that they will come into play in some of my future endeavors, but for now I’m focusing on being at home with my kids and being available without having to consider if I have enough leave or having to miss something because of working late. *Back to what I was saying about my father*...he has a small box that he has created and for a long time that box was what I tried to live in. I wanted to make him happy and proud and I knew this was apart of the package. The problem is that when you’re exposed to more and you learn there’s more out there you desire that. This basically means a lot of unfamiliar territory and people aren’t fans of that. You will often hear things like “is that going to pay enough money” or “does it have insurance”. Basic stuff that of course if you’re smart you’ve considered, but definitely not the only things you’re willing to consider. What most people fail to realize is there’s nothing that’s guaranteed regardless of where you’re employed. Employers will let you go after 15 years without a second thought (even if you’re a great worker) if you being on the team negatively impacts the bottom line. Life is absolutely too short to live “safe” inside of someone else’s box. I can’t predict the future, but I know that the life I imagine me having doesn’t involve being in a cubicle being miserable or not enjoying Mondays. Everyday I wake up, I may not feel like I’m on a high but I don’t hate any day I get now and I’m not even living the life I’ve dreamed yet. This breakaway of thought took me years to address, but now that I’ve found my peace I refuse to be stuffed back in the box.

My world was made small because I allowed others to “think” for me. I’ve learned that it’s okay to respect other people’s thoughts and feelings without actually accepting them as your own. Sometimes you have to remember the same love and attention you decide to give to others you have to first start with giving it to yourself. Of course there will be some that honestly won’t be successful (either because they really don’t do the work or things just don’t work out), but learning lessons should never be seen as a fail. I’ve gotten to the point that I’m ready to be the person living the life versus watching on the sidelines.

Has anyone ever put you in a box or have you done that to yourself?

deann Tue, 03/02/2021 - 20:36

emotional intelligence