Talk About it Tuesday

What You’re Really Owed: Nothing

Last week I had different friends posting about various topics and one posted about apology language (a spin off of the 5 Love Languages) and another posted something polar opposite in regards to you not being able to tell anyone how to love you, but allowing them to show you their level of ability and you deciding if you want to participate or not. Both of these got me into my head for a while and I just wanted to share some of those thoughts.

One of the things that I’ve heard every since I was younger that the world owed me nothing and anything I wanted I needed to work for. It’s so interesting that this is something that was pushed very hard, but emotions seemed to be one of those things that was never considered. Being young, I used to believe in the idea of reciprocity (and I still do to a certain extent) but there’s definitely a limit on this. We gladly share the golden rule and there’s almost a level of expectation that you’ll get back the same respect and courtesy you give. Unfortunately life and people teach us differently and we alter our perceptions. While some become cynical and feel as though the other person determines the types of interactions they’ll have, many people just learned to create boundaries and separate tolerable from toxic. I’m in the second group for sure. We get to choose who we allow to be in our lives regardless of the level of the relationship. I realized that regardless of how much I try to demonstrate love and kindness, I can’t make someone give me that in return. I have matured enough to recognize that regardless of how anyone acts towards me, I don’t have to return that same energy because I get to control my responses and my feelings. (I’m aware that not everyone is at this point, but emotional intelligence is just one of those things you have to research and learn in order to just be a better person period). I am responsible for every seed I sow into the ground and I should expect a harvest back from those seeds. I choose to avoid negativity and toxicity because I choose me over people. Sounds selfish, but I’ll be that if that means I can maintain my peace. 

I absolutely have come to the realization that no one owes me anything even a relationship. My life has become so simple now that I accept what people are willing to give and create boundaries based on what I’m willing to accept. As Lauryn Hill sang, it could all be so simple..but you’d rather make it hard. Choosing to allow others to be their “authentic self” while staying true to you is the easiest choice. While I’m not as close to people who really mean a lot to me (and no I don’t really do the whole cutting off thing...we can be acquaintances beyond social media without being besties), I have an amazing circle that is super supportive and I know they won’t flake on me. I will appreciate every ounce of those that are present without faulting the ones who failed me because of ...?!? Let’s stop making people feel bad because maybe they aren’t as emotionally intelligent or mature as us. We’ve all had moments where we didn’t put our best foot forward. Just remember, you have to live with the decisions you make. I’d love to know your thoughts on this subject specifically regarding relationships and reciprocity.