Talk About it Tuesday

Subject: The Stay at Home Mom Life

While I’ve talked about this issues several times, I always feel that it’s good to revisit a thing once you’ve acquired greater experience, information, and perspective. I don’t know how most people view being a stay at home parent, but the truth is if you are an individual with a degree it adds to the pot of disapproval.

Let me be honest: we live in a society that says everyone needs to take responsibility for their child/ren, but if you do it by choosing to be a stay at home parent it can be frowned upon (I’ll add that this may be more in the Black community but I don’t know that for certain). There’s just so much pressure placed on the idea that if you’re not working for someone else, you’re not working. That old way of thinking caused me so much anxiety early on in my transition to being at home. Now that I’ve gotten my “thinking up”, I understand that it is NOT my responsibility to get anyone else on board with the plan that we established for our family. We discussed it, prayed over it, and walked it out. We’ve made it abundantly clear that we are following the call on our lives and anyone that doesn’t like it can take it up with God. I promise this is eliminated all of the chatter that came towards me, but I’m sure there’s still plenty of conversations that I’m not included in that mention me not working. 

Aside from the people outside the house, it’s a struggle to maintain sanity (sometimes) with the folks that stay within the same walls. I can remember working various jobs and always feeling undervalued, but without fail I was paid. Now that I’m at home I get that same feeling without any sort of compensation. I don’t want to make people afraid to a take the leap, but there is definitely a level of reality that needs to be passed along so that feelings don’t get completely destroyed. I desire a home that I don’t need to tidy up before someone comes or feel embarrassed if someone stops by, but no matter how much I clean as long as others live with me there is the potential that there’s crap laying around. I have never been a neat freak per se, but the older I get the more I desire order and tidiness. Unfortunately, my family doesn’t care about this and I find myself in the cycle of either just do it so it’s done and aesthetically pleasing, say “f” it and then my house is a disaster zone, or yell my head off. Currently, I lean more heavily towards the first two but I’ve been known to take the levels up and pray the neighbors don’t hear me. 

Growing usually means that some pain is involved. I’ve found that most of mine has been emotional pain, but it has definitely been worth it all. I’ve become less strict with some things and encouraged more personal responsibility in other areas. While the girls are still learning their roles, I’ve refused to put myself back into a position to stay overwhelmed trying to do everything for everyone. I am one person and I need me too. So I’m doing what I can when I can, but I’m making sure that I’ve invested in my own interests and desires. I am also in the process of looking into getting a cleaning service bi-weekly or at least once a month to take some of this weight off my shoulders. I no longer feel bad about needing help nor asking for it! Tell me about your experience as a stay at home mom/parent.